En nu is ook mijn moeder dood

Posted on 19 March, 2020 at 7:00

Mijn ouderlijk huis bleef bestaan toen mijn vader overleed. Ik was al meer dan 25 jaar het huis uit, dus mijn dagelijks leven veranderde niet met zijn overlijden. Niet dat ik hem niet miste, of niet om het minste of geringste vol kon schieten – nee: eigenlijk wèl bij het minste en geringste: juist bij heel kleine dingen, bij het heffen van een glas op -toen nog- koninginnedag met zijn woorden (Dat zij leve!), of als we een saucijzenbroodje aten, stonden vaak de tranen in mijn ogen. Niet bij de grote dingen waarbij je het zou verwachten, zoals een verjaardag of met Kerst. Want Kerst in mijn ouderlijk huis ging nog steeds door, de tuin was nog hetzelfde, en de keuken was al minstens 40 jaar niet veranderd.


Maar nu is ook mijn moeder overleden. En met de tweede ouder die overlijdt schuif je een generatie op. Ik ben de volgende. Dat zagen we al heel lang aankomen en tòch kwam het met een klap binnen op het moment dat ze overleed: mijn broer en ik zijn nu wees.

Al ben je al 35 jaar het huis uit, ben je zelf al hoog en breed moeder en ben je al heel lang niet meer van je ouders afhankelijk, het voelt vreemd genoeg anders als je niet één, maar je beide ouders niet meer hebt. Natuurlijk wist ik dat wel, maar nu ervaar ik het zelf.

En ook als je moeder zo oud is geworden als de mijne, ook als je er vrede mee hebt zoals wij, ook dan is het nog steeds je moeder die overlijdt, en dat maak je maar één keer mee. En hoort daardoor bij de grote dingen van het leven. En dus bij de dingen die lang op mijn netvlies zullen blijven staan.


Een andere ervaring deelden mijn broer en ik ook: we waren direct na haar overlijden nog meer van slag door de 50 jaar aan herinneringen die aan ons voorbij trokken, dan van het overlijden van mijn moeder zelf, zo opgelucht waren we dat ze niet langer hoefde te lijden.

En zo was het tegelijkertijd heel vervreemdend èn heel nostalgisch om haar huis leeg te halen, spullen te verdelen die je eigenlijk niet kunt gebruiken maar toch wilt hebben, oude fotoalbums door te bladeren met jeugdherinneringen, te lachen over haar belachelijk grote knopen- en garenverzameling, en haar, voornamelijk uit prullaria bestaande, sieraden uit te zoeken, die op wel tien plaatsen in haar slaapkamer verstopt waren. Met mijn moeder gewassen en opgebaard door mijn schoonzus en mij achter ons, hadden we allemaal het gevoel dat ze ieder moment kon vragen waarom we toch aan het rommelen waren in haar spullen.


Met dat de verhalen en herinneringen meer naar boven kwamen, werd mijn moeders huis leger, en takelde mijn ouderlijk huis af tot een leeg huis met schrootjes en foambehang; en realiseer ik me steeds vaker dat ik met haar spullen ook een deel van haar karakter heb gekregen, meer dan me soms lief is. Mijn man is het met me eens.


Categories: None

Post a Comment


Oops, you forgot something.


The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.


Reply golden goose
3:38 on 27 November, 2021 
I precisely wanted to appreciate you once again. I'm not certain the things that I could possibly have created in the absence of these creative ideas documented by you concerning this field. Entirely was a troublesome condition in my opinion, but being able to see this well-written avenue you processed it took me to cry for joy. I will be happy for the help and even hope you realize what a great job you are accomplishing educating many people through your web page. I am sure you haven't got to know all of us.
golden goose
Reply Ashcof
5:22 on 27 November, 2021 
cialis gel caps
Reply Ugocof
5:44 on 27 November, 2021 
ivermectin 3mg for lice
Reply kobe byrant shoes
7:33 on 27 November, 2021 
I have to point out my affection for your kind-heartedness giving support to people that should have help on in this idea. Your personal commitment to getting the solution across has been rather interesting and have specifically empowered those just like me to attain their aims. Your amazing insightful guidelines signifies a great deal a person like me and a whole lot more to my office colleagues. Regards; from each one of us.
kobe byrant shoes
Reply steph curry shoes
8:30 on 27 November, 2021 
I would like to express some thanks to you for bailing me out of this issue. As a result of researching through the internet and coming across tricks which are not powerful, I was thinking my entire life was over. Existing without the strategies to the issues you have solved by way of your blog post is a crucial case, and ones that could have in a wrong way affected my entire career if I had not encountered your web blog. The knowledge and kindness in handling all things was important. I don't know what I would've done if I had not come across such a step like this. I'm able to at this moment look ahead to my future. Thanks so much for the reliable and sensible guide. I will not think twice to recommend your web page to any individual who should get support about this situation.
steph curry shoes
Reply Kiacof
11:46 on 27 November, 2021 
generic viagra soft tabs online
Reply Zakcof
13:37 on 27 November, 2021 
sildenafil 50mg tablets uk
Reply Carlcof
14:31 on 27 November, 2021 
40 mg prozac
Reply yeezy supply
16:56 on 27 November, 2021 
I must show thanks to the writer for bailing me out of such a predicament. Because of checking through the world-wide-web and meeting tricks which were not beneficial, I believed my life was done. Being alive without the approaches to the issues you have solved all through the post is a crucial case, and those that could have in a wrong way affected my career if I hadn't encountered your site. Your good know-how and kindness in dealing with the whole lot was excellent. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn't encountered such a subject like this. It's possible to now look forward to my future. Thank you so much for your specialized and sensible help. I will not think twice to propose the blog to anyone who should receive care on this matter.
yeezy supply
Reply Boocof
18:52 on 27 November, 2021 
how to buy cialis cheap
Reply adidas yeezy
19:29 on 27 November, 2021 
My spouse and i have been quite fortunate Raymond managed to finish up his reports with the precious recommendations he made out of your site. It's not at all simplistic to simply always be giving away helpful hints which usually the others might have been making money from. And we take into account we now have you to be grateful to for that. All of the explanations you've made, the easy blog menu, the relationships you aid to instill - it is most astonishing, and it is making our son in addition to the family feel that the matter is thrilling, and that's extremely important. Thank you for the whole lot!
adidas yeezy
Reply kd shoes
21:54 on 27 November, 2021 
I wish to show my admiration for your kind-heartedness in support of folks who should have help with this particular question. Your very own commitment to passing the message all around appeared to be remarkably practical and has enabled workers like me to attain their aims. Your personal warm and friendly hints and tips can mean a great deal a person like me and still more to my colleagues. Warm regards; from everyone of us.
kd shoes
Reply supreme hoodie
1:42 on 28 November, 2021 
Thank you for your entire work on this web page. Kim takes pleasure in carrying out internet research and it's really simple to grasp why. We learn all regarding the compelling ways you give worthwhile guides by means of your blog and strongly encourage contribution from some other people about this area of interest while our daughter has always been becoming educated a great deal. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You have been doing a stunning job.
supreme hoodie
Reply yeezy shoes
1:52 on 28 November, 2021 
My wife and i felt really satisfied Jordan managed to finish up his basic research while using the ideas he discovered from your very own weblog. It is now and again perplexing to just be offering instructions that the others might have been trying to sell. And we all consider we have the blog owner to give thanks to for that. The type of illustrations you've made, the easy web site navigation, the friendships your site aid to create - it's got most remarkable, and it's aiding our son and the family recognize that the topic is pleasurable, and that's wonderfully vital. Thank you for all!
yeezy shoes
Reply Dencof
2:34 on 28 November, 2021 
cheap viagra online no prescription stromectol where to buy desyrel 50 mg for sleep viagra soft generic tadalafil black
Reply yeezy
2:46 on 28 November, 2021 
Thanks so much for giving everyone such a memorable possiblity to discover important secrets from this site. It is always very nice plus stuffed with amusement for me personally and my office colleagues to search the blog a minimum of 3 times per week to find out the fresh things you will have. And of course, I am always satisfied concerning the eye-popping opinions you serve. Some 2 areas in this article are in fact the most impressive we have had.
Reply Paulcof
6:36 on 28 November, 2021 
viagra tablets online india
Reply Lisacof
6:48 on 28 November, 2021 
viagra 100mg tablet online
Reply Jasoncof
7:38 on 28 November, 2021 
ildenafil citrate pharmacy viagra canada cialis 5mg australia tadalafil otc usa buy cialis generic india stromectol 3 mg buy viagra pills canada wellbutrin price without insurance citalopram 10mg pill viagra over the counter nz
Reply air jordan
7:41 on 28 November, 2021 
My husband and i felt absolutely relieved John managed to carry out his survey out of the ideas he got in your web site. It is now and again perplexing to just find yourself giving out information and facts which usually other people could have been selling. And now we do know we have the writer to appreciate for this. The type of illustrations you've made, the easy web site navigation, the friendships you can assist to promote - it's all astounding, and it is making our son and our family reason why that issue is entertaining, which is quite important. Many thanks for all the pieces!
air jordan